GLEN PICKARD

Dennis Nedry’s sausage fingers frantically wiped his misty glasses as he peered closer to the windscreen, desperately trying to see where he was driving through the torrential rain of Isla Nublar. Nedry was frustrated: he was late for his boat off the island, and this storm was making navigation impossible. The flapping wipers dashed across the flooded windscreen as Dennis took a hand off the wheel to consult his map. His eyes darted across the various roads and sites: The randy Raptor ranch, the Brachiosaurus boner building, the triceratops terror-sex terrace, the dirty dinosaur dumping den. Looking up to check his view, Nedry saw that he was a second too late for the turn, and with that, his jeep ploughed off the road and hurled down the muddy side before crunching to a halt in a ditch.

Thanking god that his seatbelt had protected his ample frame, Dennis briefly pondered his options. He could stay in the car and eat candy until he threw up, or he could get out and try to use the jeeps winch to pull the vehicle up to the road and make a dash for the boat. Deciding that the second option would eventually lead him to being able to indulge in the first, Nedry momentarily suppressed his butter-troll tendencies and opened the driver’s door. It took every fibre of his considerable being to summon the strength to climb up the muddy hill. Finally arriving at the tree, he attached the winch end and was shocked to see a Dilopsausaus a few feet away, hissing at him. Far too exhausted for sex, Dennis threw the nearest rock at the creature, which quickly darted into the nearby bushes. Breathing heavy now, he clambered back down as the rain continued to pour, before slipping and ending up on his knees next to the jeep. Cursing the fact that he wasn’t eating ham at that very moment, Nedry picked up the shiny container of embryos that had tumbled out his pocket into the mud, and opened it slowly. As a single tear rolled down his shamefully fat face, he took a T-rex embryo and poured it into his mouth. Was ingestion the ultimate act of love, Dennis wondered? This action of consuming a beast, of being joined at a gut level, absorbing their life into yours? Was his love of eating just as pure and valid as his love for the park creatures? Right now, Dennis wasn’t as concerned with these questions, he just wished T-rex embryos tasted more like Pepsi and less like undercooked spunk.

Picking up the mock shaving foam container, Nedry was about to stand when he saw the Dilopsausaus in front of him. The waist high beast was displaying its peacock colours and before he could move, spat its purple venom in Dennis’s face. Staggering back with the container still in hand, now certainly aroused, he managed to stumble into the jeep and slam the door shut. He rubbed his sopping wet hands over his face, trying to wipe the goo away when to his horror and sexual delight he saw the Dilopsausaus on the seat next to him. Nedry opened his mouth to scream, only to have it filled with the creature’s slimy projectile present. Whilst Dennis choked, the beast spat more poison, faster and with the pressure of a fire hose all over his body from the neck down. The burning sensation rapidly escalated to searing pain, and as Nedry waddled his arms in agony he spilt the contents of the container all over his now dissolving tubby chest.

As the tiny beast started chomping on his gooey shoulder, Nedry felt jealous. He knew he was moments from death, and he wanted to go out doing what he loved. Gathering what strength he could, Dennis took a small handful of his dissolving guts and draped it into his mouth. It tasted somewhat like the five cooked chickens he’d eaten for breakfast, and somewhat like poisoned intestines. Nedry didn’t care. He believed that consuming was the purest act of love. And now all the embryos had
vanished into his stomach, he had loved so many dinosaurs in the ultimate way. Just before a smile crept across his gut-soaked lips, the Dilopsausaus ate Dennis’s head.