GLEN PICKARD

Dr Alan Grant, Ellie Sattler, and the children Tim and Lex scurried desperately across the ceiling crawlspace of Jurassic Park’s newly completed welcome building, as three murderous Raptors snapped at their heels mere feet below. Ellie, Lex and Tim, were shuffling along slowly but surely, making their way towards the exit, terrified at the toothy death stalking them from below. Grant was also scared, petrified even, that he wouldn’t be able to relieve the sexual tension that had been building inside him ever since he’d seen his first dinosaur. It had been a revolutionary sexual awakening for him, and he had been secretly thankful when the park’s fences went down and all hell had broken loose. Dying in a bloody frenzy of beast love would be, nay, was, the ultimate erotic aim for him, and as his group had continued to defy the odds and survive, a part of him had become more and more disappointed. The permanent erection had made him ache, and he had to do something.

No, they would not escape. He would have his scaly flayed flesh fun. He needed it.

Suddenly, and much to Grant’s relief, he turned to see the boardwood ceiling panel collapse under Lex, who swiftly plummeted down, only to hang on by the fingertips of one hand as a fearsome looking velociraptor leapt towards her. With Lex screaming for help, Grant kicked out the nearest steal support bar, sending all four potential dinosaur sex toys crashing towards the danger below. Landing with a thud on top of model fossil exhibit, the four looked around to see the raptors approaching. Grant was so excited he screamed, as in one quick motion he grabbed both children by the neck, and hurled them off the exhibit to the floor below.

“YYYYEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!” screamed Grant, madness in his eyes, as he pulled Ellie, still in a state of shock, closer to him in an embrace. On the floor below, Tim and Lex had only just landed as the raptors leapt in, tearing them to shreds like hilarious meaty rag dolls. Ellie watched helplessly, helpless tears falling down her helpless face, and she noticed that unless Grant cried from his crotch, he was having a very different reaction. Sobbing, she fell to her knees atop the fossil as Alan stared at the carnage, already the children were reduced to tiny scraps decorating the lobby.

Grant then turned his head to face the only security camera he could see and grinned whilst raising his right leg slowly back, before promptly toe punting Ellie in the ass, sending her falling head first onto the floor below. Landing with a thud, much like a lazy writer’s fist against a table, she looked up to see the Raptors closing on all sides. Trembling to the point of being unable to move, Ellie desperately tried to think where she could run.

Above, on the fossil exhibit, Alan’s eyes had begun to widen with steamy anticipation, when he noticed the exhibit he was holding onto had started shaking violently in a steady rhythm. Looking up, he saw the fast approaching T-Rex crash through the large lobby doors, before clamping it’s enormous jaws over the nearest raptor. Lifting it into the air, the mammoth beast tilted its head slightly, and then flung the smaller dinosaur across the hall, smashing into the fossil display and sending Grant hurling to the ground.

Still trembling, Ellie stumbled to her feet to see the T –Rex scowling back at her. It had a huge dong, standing fully to attention. That useless white bearded fool Hammond had lied, they certainly weren’t all female! Behind her, one raptor darted away back into the jungle, whilst the other locked eyes with the larger beast. They shared a moment of burning passion, and Ellie felt it. Out of the corner of her eye, Ellie saw the raptor turn around and kneel on its hind legs, with it’s veloci-minge exposed. Then the T-Rex charged forward, and with Ellie being still for some time, its vision based on movement, it didn’t know she was there.

The following happened in the space of three seconds: The T-Rex roared in pure sexual lust as it moved, it’s massive dong hitting Ellie in the chest and lifting her in a pole vault style, straight into the waiting raptor’s love hole. Ellie again attempted to scream, but her head was now completely inside the beast, and her lower half was quickly turned to a bloody pulp at the hands of the tyrannosaur’s frantic thrusting. The raptor receiver groaned in a mixture of pain and beastly approval of this three way.

As Ellie was discovering the true horror of being the condom in Tyrannosaurs/Velociraptor sex game, Grant emerged from the broken fossil remnants and preceded to teabag the dead raptor next to him.

Seconds later the T-Rex came violently, splitting Ellie clean in two and killing the raptor with one Jurassic thrust. Still “wearing” his now deceased dinosaur lover, the T-Rex roared triumphantly as a red theme park banner fell behind it, before stomping out of the building and back into the jungle.

Back in the lobby, amidst the human body parts and broken dinosaur models, Grant started to have mouth sex with his dead raptor friend. He would endorse this park, he decided, for he had finally been able to play. And parks are meant to be played in.