WHAT'S 25 FEET TALL AND COMES IN PINTS?
BY
MICHAEL COLLINS
Title:
What's 25 feet tall and comes in pints?
Author: Michael
Collins
Category: Tyrannophilia / Extreme Rectal
Devastation
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The
heavy tropical rain battered down upon the newly laid road surface
harder than a nurse's fists on Stephen Hawking's face. Although the
sun had not yet fully set, the dark clouds cast an oppresive
blackness over the terrain as the two gaudily painted electric
land-rovers slowly passed the Tyrannosaur paddock and ground suddenly
to a halt.
"What?" Asked Doctor Alan Grant -
Jurassic Park's consultant palaeontologist, "What did I touch"?
His colleague, Doctor Ian Malcolm, just stared out of the window
silently and quietly lamented the fact that of all the things Grant
may have touched, he wasn't one of them.
"I must have
touched something!" Grant continued, "This happens all the
time! Machines hate me, it must be my fault". "Machines
hate you?" Malcolm asked absently, noticing the way the
palaeontologist's shoulder muscles rippled beneath his shirt like a
bunch of very sexy tigers on a treadmill. Boy, what Malcolm wouldn't
give for a go on that treadmill....
Meanwhile in the other
car, Donald Gennaro - one of InGen's main attorneys - was getting
restless. Those damn kids in the back seat had been winding him up
relentlessly since this failure of a guided tour had begun, with
their sickening renditions of "the wheels on the bus" and
stupid goddamn dinosaur jokes ("A 'doyouthinkhesaurus' my ASS!"
he had shouted angrily, "grow the FUCK up, kid!" The
children had just laughed at him in reply. Goddamn little bastards)!
This park wasn't built to entertain kids, for god's sake, it was
built to make *money*! Couldn't they understand that?!?
His
trail of thought was interrupted by one of them - the boy - rummaging
through some expensive looking equipment. Christ, he wished they
didn't have to return safely! It made him so angry - he had to
relieve some of the tension! Carefully, so the children in the back
seat wouldn't notice what he was doing (it was dark enough to provide
some cover), Gennaro unzipped his fly and gripped his member firmly,
sneakily manipulating it with his hand until it stood to firm
attention. With his throbbing purple head resting in his palm, he
filled his mind with thoughts of money and began to quietly jerk off
beneath the cloth of his expensive gucci shirt.
By now Alan
Grant had given up trying to get the touch-screen display to work
again. Ah well, he thought to himself, the park was still under
development, and there was bound to be the odd glitch or two while
they fine tuned everything. He was certain they would send out a
couple of gas powered trucks or something to pick them up - they were
probably on their way now. There was no hurry, as far as Grant was
concerned though - he found he rather enjoyed seeing the sexual
frustration on Malcolm's face as he pretended to "adjust
himself".
"It's pretty hot in these cars" he
said coyly as he took off his overshirt, inwardly smiling as the
mathematician looked fit to burst. He quite liked being a tease, and
who knew, maybe it would lead to something else? He was just about to
shyly suggest that maybe Malcolm would like to, you know, take off
his shirt too when a low, steady thumping noise distracted them both.
Malcolm looked at the glass of water he'd snuck a couple of roofies
into when Grant wasn't looking. It began to ripple softly in time to
the thumping. Whatever was causing the sound, it was big. Very big.
Earth shakingly big, in fact (being a mathematician he based this
last assumption on the fact that the earth was indeed being shaken.
Mathemeticians are a practical bunch, except when it comes to the
matters of the bedroom). While Malcolm was hitherto occupied, Grant
fumbled in his pocket for the durex.
Back in car two, things
were building to a peak for Gennaro. Wild and crazy thoughts of money
flashed through his mind as he pulled wetly at his solid
uncircumcised lawyercock, his face controting into a sweaty
expression of finance-induced orgasm. So far neither of the kids had
appeared to notice, being too preoccupied with some modern
technological headgear of some sort. "Just as long as that thing
can't somehow make them magically see in the dark!" he laughed
inwardly as his underused ballsack began to build up pressure.
Suddenly there was a loud smack against the sunroof of the car,
followed by a pair of screams from the back seat. "God. Fucking.
DAMNIT!" Genarro muttered to himself as the disturbance caused
his member to completely give up on him and turn flaccid. He looked
up to see what looked like a bloody goat's leg dripping red fluid
over the sunroof. "Goddamn kids and their goddamn practical
jokes!" he muttered, before getting out of the car and running
over to the public toilets to finish himself off in peace...
"What
does he think he's doing?" asked Grant as he saw Genarro pegging
it towards the lavatories. "Probably just gone for a wank",
replied Malcolm. "When you've gotta beat yourself off, you've
gotta beat yourself off"! Grant nodded in unspoken agreement,
and was about to speculate on the lack of necessity for masturbation
when two fully grown males were in the same car together, nudge
nudge, wink wink, hint hint, when a sign saying "DANGER! 10,000
volts" slammed down onto the bonnet of the Land Rover like a
terrible warning from some angry, electrical god who had finally had
enough of kids trying to get their footballs off the railway
tracks.
Completely oblivious to these new developments
outside, Gennaro continued to twang his blue-veined custard chucker
whilst muttering dirty things about his 'power of attorney'.
By
now all the remaining Land Rover occupants were giving the
electrified fences their full attention. Horrifyingly, the
inches-thick sprung-steel cables were being snapped one by one,
plunking and ftinging apart with dreadful onomatopeia! The noisy
sheets of rain slamming against the aluminium car roofs were suddenly
drowned out by a huge, bestial roar highly reminiscent of a lion's,
elephant's and alligator's vocalisations being mixed together by a
dolby-loving sound technician for an early-90's summer blockbuster as
a massive silouhette reared up against the newly destroyed fence,
effortlessly striding over the large 50 foot moat that would later
appear for some car/gravity drama situation and pacing slowly and
menacingly towards the two disabled vehicles.
"Boy do I
hate being right all the time!" Malcolm whispered to Grant,
referring to his predictions that a system as inherently unstable as
Jurassic Park would eventually follow a chaotic path. And also his
prediction that if a really big tyrannosaurus rex ever burst out of
its cage and wandered towards his car he would probably wind up
pissing himself. He gently rubbed his hand against his wet crotch and
sniffed his fingers. Thank the very gods of chaos he was a little bit
freaky and was turned on by urine! He quietly began to rub his gums
with the soiled
fingers.
("Oh-oh-oh-oh-thank-you-Jesus-thank-you-JESUS!"
exclaimed Genarro through gritted teeth as once more the pressure in
his cock began to build...)
"Look at that!"
exclaimed Grant, pointing excitedly towards the hulking therapod. As
the fabric of his trousers became a tighter fit, the T-Rex began to
stalk it's way over to their car, choosing to ignore the one behind
them. Why get the happy meal when you can have a triple-whopper with
extra cheese, after all?
"Keep very still and try not to
look rugged" Grant whispered to Malcolm as the behemoth
approached, "It's vision is based on sexual attraction".
The pair of them shivered with fear and erotic anticipation as the
beast approached, but there was something about the silouhette that
didn't quite ring true. "Hold on", said Malcolm, "I
thought Hammond said all the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park were
female..."
Grant was about to explain that the dinosaur
DNA InGen had used had been patched up with frog DNA and that frogs
were nature's transexual perverts, when there was an almighty
slapping against the windscreen. To their horror and delight, the
tyrannosaur had slapped it's 5 foot long phallus over the car and was
smearing it's prehistoric smegma over the plexiglass surface in an
ancient ritual of filthy dinosaur conquest. It roared again, the
sound absent of all trace of anything except a titanic sense of
lust!
"YES JESUS THAT'S THE MONEY SHOT RIGHT THERE!!!"
yelled Genarro from his position in the toilet cubicle as he shot his
hot sticky subpoena-juice over his sweaty upper thigh. As he gasped
and panted, trying to regain his breath, he noticed that his loud
climax had been answered by a guttural howling and the thin wooden
walls around him began to shake like a parkinson's victim on nerve
toxins as something approached. "What the.... what the hell
could that be?" he thought to himself, before his world became a
torrential hail of splinters. He looked up, and up even further only
to see a pale yellow eye as big as his head staring back down at him
with a certain look. He recognised that look - it was the look he
himself got when his monthly bank statement came through the
mail.
Genarro gulped as he felt a pair of comparatively small
but very muscly two-fingered flid arms wrap themselves around his
waist and lift him in the air. His already undone trousers slipped
down over his ankles and landed in a heap on the floor beneath as he
was raised above the Rex's midsection. All too late, he realised what
was going to happen. "Oh, oh god NO!" he yelled, "It'll
never fit! You'll DAMAGE ME!! OH GOD!!! OH SWEET TAP DANCING
BUDDHA!!". The Rex snorted, and then slammed Genarro against
it's fully erect and scaly Tyrannosword. It's brutal, dripping
cockhead forced it's way between Genarro's soft, fleshy buttocks and
pulled them apart into a diameter of roughly one and a half feet.
Genarro bellowed with agony as the member tore through the lining of
his colon and thrust it's way up towards his chest cavity.
Back
in the first vehicle, Grant and Malcolm began to jerk off.
The
Rex started to thrust it's backwards pelvis up and down as Genarro
slid even further down the length of it's love-tugger, various
viscera and bodily fluids gushing from his mouth. By now he was
unable to scream as his injuries were too severe, but as his
consciousness began to ebb away for good he found himself realising
with a shock that this was exactly the way he had always wanted to
go, ever since visiting the New York Museum of Natural History as a
child! Although his mouth was by now being broken apart by the tip of
the gigantic penis he was now fully surrounding, he just about
managed a small smile before he split wetly in two with the sound of
bedsheets being torn apart, and smacked onto the floor by the Rex's
feet.
The T-Rex howled again with frustration - it hadn't
quite finished and already the food / mate was broken! It bent down
and tore apart Genarro's remains with it's teeth, gobbling him up to
provide more energy for it's mastodonic lovemaking session. Growling
gutturally, it stomped off towards the first vehicle and slammed it's
jaws around the top.
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK RUGGED!"
screamed Grant, as the Rex forced the back end of the car over it's
dick and punctured it's way in through the rear window. The
scientists looked at each other, then at the snake-like appendage
worming it's way between them as the car was lifted up and brutally
humped by the reptillian rapist. "RAR-RARGH-RARGH-RAAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!"
it bellowed as finally, it came. And how it came! Gallons upon
gallons of putrid tyrannosaur semen flooded into the car, filling all
available space. The lumpy, sticky, smelly creme-coloured gunk forced
it's way into every orifice in Malcolm's and Grant's bodies, choking
them violently as they coughed, spluttered, and ultimately drowned in
it.
It's wicked way having been had, the Rex swung it's hips
to the side, dislodging the car and sending it crashing over the
precipice into the trees far below. At last, it was sated. As it
curled up against the other car and fell asleep hugging it, the
trapped children continued to scream and scream themselves hoarse.
The Rex just kept hugging the car. It would be the other wheeled
creature's turn soon, but for now it was time to savour the
moment....